I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she looked like the before picture.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
NoShamevember. You game?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
