Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Quick, to the slutcave!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
