No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
