Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she told me i tasted like america
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I want to be your penis for a week.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
