filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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