so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
