I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
