just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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