it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
