That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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