I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize