He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
