whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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