I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
