you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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