yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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