I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize