hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She's the barista slut.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
