I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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