Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
