You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
