I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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