Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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