Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
