the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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