I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
