I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
