i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
