You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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