the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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