once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
