When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
