the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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