it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
