You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she peed on how many people?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
