Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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