She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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