My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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