So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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