shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
