So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
