Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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