drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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