How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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