My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
