ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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