I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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