Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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