i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
