Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
