I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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