I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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