operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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