in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
