we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
did you just send me my own nude
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize