Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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