whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
my poor anus
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
