dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
