Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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