you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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