i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
soo... how was my night?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
