Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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