I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize