Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
