hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i was born a porn star she said
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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