I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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