You really coming over, don't trick.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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