There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
