i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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