rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
