no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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