I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
