Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
