Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
