dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My boob is missing a layer of skin
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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