I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You did what with his pubic hair?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
