the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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