please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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