so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
