You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
