I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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