And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
