The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
