no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
