woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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