i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
