mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
