in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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