My sheets look like a crime scene.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Help. Why am I so naked?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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