Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
