if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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