at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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