I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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