McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
