why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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