It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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