I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
